Rumors of a human-chimpanzee hybrid have abounded for centuries. Chimps and humans are so genetically similar as to be nearly indistinguishable, appearances aside. Science estimates that about 95-99% of our genetic code is identical to that of a chimpanzee. The similarity is roughly equivalent to the difference between donkeys and horses.
The most widely discussed "humanzee" sighting was a critter named "Oliver." Oliver was a sideshow star, but he wasn't like the other chimps in the traveling circus circuit. He was said to have come from somewhere in the Congo, although that claim is somewhat shrouded in mystery at this late date. Oliver didn't like hanging out with his own alleged species and preferred the company of humans. He walked upright, he sat in chairs. He helped around the house with chores, and eventually he began hitting on the circus owner's wife, which led to his sale in 1976 to a New York lawyer named Michael Miller.
According to Miller, blood tests revealed Oliver had 47 chromosomes — one more than a human and one less than a chimp. The odd number of chromosomes would also strongly suggest hybridization of some sort. (The claim was later disproved.)
Fortunately, perhaps due to a surplus of cute little bunnies, Oliver was never required to test the effects of eating eyeliner or having suntan lotion intravenously injected. Oliver probably didn't see the bright side of this, as he was confined for seven years in a 5-by-7 cage until his muscles atrophied for lack of ability to move.
Oliver was retired from the lab in 1996 and sent to a chimp retirement home. He was finally called in for credible scientific testing, which insisted that he was really just a "normal chimp" with 48 chromosomes, an explanation which satisfied absolutely no one except a bunch of killjoy skeptics. Other scientists have continued to push for more research.
In a related story, a sasquatch was hit by a car...
TURNER, Maine -- In this photo provided by Michelle O'Donnell, a creature that was found dead after apparently being hit by a car in Turner, Maine, is shown. For the past 15 years, residents across Androscoggin County have reported seeing and hearing a mysterious animal with chilling monstrous cries and eyes that glow in the night. Now, residents are wondering if the animal found dead over the weekend may be the mysterious creature that has mauled dogs, frightened residents and been the subject of local legend for half a generation. (08/21/06 AP Photo/Courtesy of Michelle O'Donnell via The Sun Journal)
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